Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
