remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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