i think i have herpe
just one?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
