You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
