can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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