so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
