the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
