Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He shit in the fireplace
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