BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
