Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize