Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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