check it out our google latitudes are spooning
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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