Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize