i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
