I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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