Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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