he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
