is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm always down for nudity.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
