Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
