I want to stick my p in your. b.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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