I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
