i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
