Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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