She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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