..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
