Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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