Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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