I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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