yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
