They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
