Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
