I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
