we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
