do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
