YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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