Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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