So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
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Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
