Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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