ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize