but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
