It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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