i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
