hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
