I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
FUCK WHALES
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
