I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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