I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
