im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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