You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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