I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
