it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
