I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
