Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
