We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Found your dick twin last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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