If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
