It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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