cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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