operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
