I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
