Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
