My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
