my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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