Define "chronic" masturbator.
we made out on top of his cat.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize