I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
